How To Be An Edgy Filmmaker
Who wouldn't want to know how to be a edgy filmmaker? You get all the attention, fame, and money that anyone could ever want, all for doing what you love, provided you love pointing film cameras at nude Asian men eating spoiled peaches. You do love that, right? Then you're on your way to being an edgy filmmaker!
- Violent Scenes. When trying to be an edgy filmmaker, remember the three V's: Violence, Violence, and also Violence. Depicting violence on film is the easiest way to be an edgy filmmaker - the more realistic and difficult to watch the violent scene is, the better.
- Edgy Soundtrack Choices. This is crucial to being an edgy filmmaker. Traditional (read: "lame") movies have music that heighten the emotion of the scenes in a pleasingly melodic fashion. Edgy (read: "not lame") movies feature heavily distorted atonal guitar, and the sound of a dying sheep bleating its last words in a sheep language that no one can understand, save for other sheep. Do sheep watch movies? Who knows.
- Kill The Suburbs. Being an edgy filmmaker is meaningless if you don't tell filmgoers what they most certainly don't already know: That beneath their pleasant exteriors, American suburbs are hotbeds of sickening emotional violence and psychological anguish. It's about time someone took those damn suburbs down a peg. If you can't handle it then go watch Happy Days, grandpa!
- Male Nudity. Female nudity in movies isn't worth much in terms of shock value. But male nudity is an easy way to be an edgy filmmaker. Serving suggestion: Just have your main character be nude all the time, just like walking around nude for the hell of it, like he doesn't even care. Edgy, and a little something for the ladies!
- Endanger Some Animals. If there's one taboo in the cinematic world, it's this. And it's your job as an edgy filmmaker to shatter these bourgeois taboos once and for all by putting a puppy in a cage with a snapping turtle. Just make sure you do some screen tests first to make sure they have a good rapport. Otherwise, the audience is going to be checking their watches before the fighting starts. And by "fighting" we mean "turtle mauling a small dog."